Our Queer Journey to Trying to Conceive (TTC) | LGBTQIA+

 

Most of you who know us well may find yourselves upset for us not having shared this sooner or for finding out via a blog post. (I know I know, how could we?!?) But this journey has been tough and long. A lot of tears, laughter, joy, and heartbreak. 

There is one main reason that we have chosen to not share until now. 

 If a cycle doesn't work, we don't want to explain the heartbreak to everyone. It's easier to just keep chugging along and explaining it once we finally have our positive!

HOWEVER, with YouTube and others sharing their journey (heterosexual and LGBTQIA+) we have been able to relate, connect, and learn; thanks to their willingness to open up and share. There are many others with similar stories and struggles. Seeing and reading about them has helped us in realizing we are just one of many couples/individuals pushing through. In a weird way.... that does help the mental side of this process. Understanding that there are many who have unexplained infertility and then later watching and/or reading about their successes. 

With that being said, we are now ready to be more open about our journey, where we started, where we have been, and where we are currently. 

Back in October of 2020, Christian and I made an appointment at a fertility clinic in Florida. 

As you may (or may not) know, the process is a lot more difficult for LGBTQIA+ couples or individuals. For us, as a queer couple, our problem is we were lacking sperm. So, we went to the sperm bank's website and found the perfect donor for our family!! 

With Ovulation occurring and lasting only 12-24 hours and frozen sperm only lasting for (a not scientifically proven) 24-72 hours. This makes for a VERY time-sensitive task!

We have learned so much (maybe TOO much) during this process all thanks to Christian's extensive/obsessive research. 

We tried in October of 2020 through IUI (Intrauterine) at the clinic only to be unsuccessful. (there is only a 20% chance even with the doctor's help.) 

After that attempt, we decided to continue trying while we were on the road. Medicated IUI can cost upwards of $2,000+. Tests can run an easy $1,000-$3,000. A vial of sperm is about $1,000  not including the $325 shipping fees and none of that even includes the medicine you're on during the process. 

After some more online research, we heard of something called ICI (Intracervical). Which is essentially the most natural way a queer couple can conceive. Shipping the vial of sperm to your house or a local pharmacy and inseminating in the comfort of your own home (typically) unmedicated. This process is a lot less expensive as you only have to pay for your sperm vials. (We opted for 2 vials each cycle to hopefully get the timing right!) We did this 5 times in the next year all landing unsuccessful. With ICI, each cycle has roughly a 10-15% chance.

These were some of the hardest times in my life. Knowing that I have completely changed my diet (3 months prior to our first cycle of TTC), changing my exercise routine, taking prenatal vitamins and many supplements, purposefully gaining some weight per the doctor's orders, and having many tests done as a premature measure. With those test results, I stopped eating gluten, eggs, dairy, started meditating, and focused on a more positive life. It seemed as if I was putting in so much effort to only keep getting negatives. With a perfectly normal 28 day cycle, we had just assumed it was going to be an easy process.

Can we just talk about the negatives for a second? How terrible does that sound? Every time we look at that stick and there is only one line. Not only knowing we spent a ton of money, but we also now have to wait even longer for our perfect bundle to come. Many have said, "when you don't stress it, it happens." For those of us who are spending thousands each month, it is very hard to not stress. We are obviously trying not to stress, but that is much easier said than done. Currently, we have spent $15,000 in 14 months, and sadly still no baby. 

 However, we know there are a couple ways to look at the negative as well. You can choose to grieve and be sad and stay down in the dumps, or you can move on and get excited about the next try. Or neither! For me, it was a combination of both. Obviously each negative gets harder and harder. By the 3rd negative, your optimism starts to dwindle. Then there is the fourth, fifth, and so on. On top of all of your sadness and hurt, you feel like a failure to your family and to your 7-year-old who just wants a baby sibling. Who week after week is saying when can I have a sibling and all you can muster out is, I'm trying...

This year, Christian and I have chosen to be happy. Be optimistic and excited to move on to the next one! We know this process isn't happiness and optimism, but we are choosing to make it one! Choose those positive emotions over the negative ones. Understanding too that, there are many who have been trying a lot longer than us and who have spent 3 fold what we have and still no baby helps us to not sit in our own pity party. 

Since we have been back in Cali, we have been seeing a local doctor here. So far they have not found a reason as to why I shouldn't be getting pregnant. My uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries are all clear and free. I have had tests out the wazoo with everything coming up great!! 

So here we are, January of 2022 the year of the tiger. We are hoping we have good news soon. This year is going to be our year! Keep us in your thoughts/prayers/vibes/energy whatever it is you practice!! 

Cheers!! 

Follow our journey @_tatecribbs_ + @_christianrenee_